You know how the holiday season can illicit an array of emotions… on one hand, happiness and good cheer and, on the other, stress and nostalgia… welcome to my world for the past few weeks. This past weekend, I finally tackled some Christmas shopping which, contrary to what one might think, I actually really do enjoy (most of the time). This year, however, things feel a little different. You combine a baby that’s suffering from deep-set separation anxiety even when I am standing 6 inches away from her and a toddler whose favorite phrase begins with “I want” and any outing can feel like a downhill ride on the patience train.
So what have I done when it takes an eternity to get out of my house to make it to work, school or gymnastics? What happens when you are all fully dressed, coats on, literally out the door and your sweet tot expresses she has to pee and all you can think about is how her leotard sits as the last layer of clothing on her body? What do you think happens when I stop for a quick bite and find myself, between bites, battling baby hands as she sits on my lap with my food at arms-length. Or when you are looking forward to getting to dessert only to have baby in need of a diaper change and you think you’ve saved the day having been seconds from soiling her cute holiday outfit, but then your tot comes into the bathroom, covered in vomit from chin to knees and visiting Santa goes out the window? YOU CRY!
I think these past couple of weeks have really taken a toll on me. The combination of a slight change in my health (effects of the stress that 2018 brought), the exhaustion of my single mom life and the dreaded end-of-year blues have taken over. I am aiming not to be so hard on myself and have allowed myself some breakdowns, but I am very much looking forward to a new year and a major reset both in mind and body.
Kids keep you going, as I am living testament and although it’s been quite the year, my blessings, by far, outweigh the bad. I never thought I would love any human being like I love these two, no matter how much my patience is tested… these smiles and personalities make it all worth it.
Here’s a little impromptu holiday shoot from Mama’s house last weekend.